20 Something Female

Oh the joys and stresses of being a 20 something year old female in 2009.

They say these are the best years of our lives...yet we are constantly stressing over a million things going on in our lives. We've got careers, family, fun, school, friends and futures to think about. Shout out to Curly Fries follower, Pimo, for taking this pic at our latest sleepover.



It's a true reflection of some of the most important things in our lives now:

Wine: Oh yes... it's a really important part of our lives right now. And not just wine but vodka, beer, rum, tequila, etc. Anything involving alcohol usually equals fun in our book. As someone who started drinking "late" I can't say I know when it all became so alcohol centered. It might be the idea of opening up and being candid with friends or the process of going out and drinking til we can't dance anymore and we've induced a craving for breakfast at 4AM. It's not to say that people can't have fun without drinking, but if done right, it can make for some great stories. Even during a recession the idea alcohol can cheer u up if u find a spot serving it cheap or free.

Birth Control: Aside from the fact that the lack of birth control will force us to stop enjoying the previous topic: alcohol, most of us 20 something year old women are trying to plan out our lives and make sure we don't randomly pop out little people whose lives will be highly dependent on whether or not we know what we're doing. With that said, we are in our late 20's and the baby conversations come up every once in a while. Even though most of us don't plan to have kids for at least another 5 years, we are following a generation of women who started being moms in their early 20's so sometimes we do get looked at a bit sideways lol.

Blackberries...Blackberries...and more Blackberries: I think whether you have a blackberry or not, you know these phones usually remind you of work in one way or another. The career path of a 20 something year old woman...it can be all planned out but lord knows for many, it's up in the air and filled with second thoughts and plan B's. The blackberry might have you tied down if it's attached to the work email, or keep you out of the loop if it isn't. Either way, it's usually a lose-lose situation. For me it's the epitome of the industry in general. If I don't have my phone...I feel lost (twitter being a big reason nowadays). The phone in general can also just represent drama (depending on ur situation, who has your number, or maybe who checks your phone lol). However you look at it, there's one thing our Blackberries (or other phones) do that we couldn't have done a decade ago, keep in touch 24/7!

Wedding Magazines: There usually aren't too many of these in a big circle of friends...but every couple of months, somewhere, someone we know is falling in love, getting engaged, getting married, moving in with their man, etc. Even a bigger rarity is knowing someone who is absolutely, really and truly happy in their situation. Although it might be rare, it's wonderful when u witness or experience it. In the end, that's what most women in their late 20's are looking for, to be in that one situation that's just "real good". Good or not, when it comes to relationships, the average 20 something year old woman can be anywhere on the spectrum: going through breakups, the on again off again's, completely in love, just kickin' it, finding her soul mate, dating around, "all the single ladies", turnin me on/off, etc, etc.

With all that said, congrats to all my 20 something year old ladies that are going back to school or kickin ass at work, partying hard or cutting back on the drinking, havin babies or not havin babies, getting married or enjoying the single life, and all that good stuff that comes with "the best years of our lives"!! Just remember it's all normal and soon enough we'll be reminiscing and lying about our age just to feel like we're 20 something again!

Add That Umph!!!

Somewhere along the line of etiquette men seem to have lost their ability to be assertive. I understand for years women have been sending men the message of, give me my space, let me decide, I am woman hear me roar or whatever. But when did we send the message of tread lightly? I'm not sure if I'm alone on this one but I feel like I still want a man to be assertive. I still want him to take charge and go for what he wants.

Even though I might not want a guy to tell me what to do I would like a guy who's gonna say "what time do you get off work, I'm gonna come get you" rather than the whole "do you wanna hang out at some point? Let me know whens good for you, do u wanna meet up or do u want me to come get you?" What?!?! In the amount of time we go through that full conversation I've already second guessed this date 3 times lol.

Men, if a woman is semi interested, (i.e. She gave you her number, picked up when you called, didn't rush you off the phone and at some point suggested you see each other again.) put your pants on and go for it. Don't half ass it, don't be all scared and shy...just do it. I really miss those days when a dude would be on the phone with me and show up to surprise me. Any hesitation I might have had was gone when I saw him in front of me.

Now please notice there is a thin line between assertive and psycho...so you must be careful. I'm talking about people that have a mutual interest for each other not a man that wants to win over a woman that has no interest. Now it's possible that the lack of assertiveness on a mans part can also be a lack of interest...but that's a whole different topic.

The point is...is it too much to ask? Am I missing something? Just do the damn thing...don't think about it so much that u end up watering it down and making it lame.

What Do You Want???

Have you ever had a moment when someone tells you something that is so simple yet so deep it changes your perspective? Well let me start by saying I had a wonderful dinner last Tuesday night with a group of very diverse women who are activists/writers/entrepreneurs and just fun to hang out with. As the youngest in the group I felt honored to be in such great company. I feel like somewhere in the last few years I've been building towards something and I don't know what it is.

So here's the scenario, I am speaking about work and how I have a love/hate relationship with it. I love pop culture and am a sucker for all the garbage that's out on tv, and in music and films but I also recognize it's garbage and we all need to help make a change in society. So as I tell this lady what I do and how I feel about it she gives me encouraging words of wisdom. She tells me the satisfaction I want from life won't necessarily come from my job. Now of course I knew this already. But we all know we tell ourselves things every day and we are kind of just hoping we have the right idea. This lady is in her 60's and she has marched through the streets of spanish harlem, lived through segregation laws and has had 3 different careers in life. She also just finished another one of her many degrees. So needless to say, her words of wisdom made more sense than my own self analysis.

Of course this wasn't the end of it...that was just the beginning. The next few minutes of our conversation is what will stick with me forever. So she asks me "what do you see yourself doing 10 years from now?" So now I'm on the spot, I know I don't truly have an answer but I give it a shot anyway since I know I have an idea but just haven't confirmed it. So I begin to tell her things here and there and in between I say things I know I don't want to do. At the end of my rambling she asks me if she can give me her honest opinion and of course I want to hear it so I can't turn away from it now.

She says, "your answer has too many "not's" you're saying 'I know I want to do this but NOT the other and NOT that.' Focus on what you DO want and not so much on what you don't want and you'll be able to achieve it faster. Also remember whatever you choose isn't permanent. You can be one thing then another. I've had three different careers and every decade brings new goals"

So I sat there and all the light bulbs seemed to turn on in my head. I mean that was a simple statement. You wouldn't think it's anything that deep. But it was. It's one of the deepest things I've heard in a long time. So now...that's the goal...think of what I want!! What do I want? What do I see myself doing next year? The year after? When I'm 30? 50? 70? Ok that's going a little far...but the point is to think of what I want.

What do you guys want? And how do you plan on getting it!

Got it! Now go Curly!

Just Another Rihanna/Chris Brown Post In The Internet World

I have to admit I've been holding myself back from writing about the whole Chris Brown / Rihanna situation because I feel most blogs and newspapers are cashing in on this horrible situation and it's now a cliche to chime in. However, after seeing the picture of Rihanna's badly beaten face last night, I couldn't help myself.

The picture makes me angry to say the least. Angry that young men and women alike have responded with "we have to hear the full story" Here's all I needed to know, a young man hit a woman he was dating in the face several times to the point where she was badly bruised. Now that's all I need to know. I don't care if that girl was caught in a threesome with two crackheads, or if she pulled out a knife or kicked you twice in the shin...what this man did to this woman is WRONG! Now the problem is everyone is brainwashed by the media's portrayal of Chris Brown and the couple's celebrity status. These young superstars are PEOPLE before they are anything else and this only highlights a problem the is hardly ever spoken about in our society. Domestic violence is NOT ok and I hate to hear the whole "what did she do" question because it's as if we were saying "maybe she deserved it" Until we all take a no nonsense stance on these sort of situations, it will continue happening to girls all over the world and young men will continue to think it's ok.

Now that I have that off my chest, this brings me to my next point. When do we as women know something is wrong? I've never been in an abusive relationship so I don't know how I'd react. Don't abusive men show signs from the beginning or at least early on? How do we know when we need to get out of a situation? If you walk into a smoking building don't you assume there's a fire and walk out or do you stay there until you see the flames coming at you? How do we teach our daughters, nieces, sisters, cousins and friends to walk out of a situation if there are signs? I can't say I have answers to any of these questions, but these are conversations we should be having amongst our friends and family. Situations like this make me believe raising a daughter will be much more difficult than raising a son.

Then again, this is where it begins. Raising sons that will not only know when to walk away from a situation but will also stand up for a victim of domestic violence. In most of the blogs I've read, there are very few young men coming to Rihanna's defense. I think this bothers me more than the girls that are justifying the situation. Where are the men that will be the future role models? Maybe they aren't on the blogs, that's all. I don't think so...I have a feeling many men have the "wow that was wrong...moving on" mentality. Some even go as far as to say "damn if that was my daughter, I would kill that guy" But how many men out there are thinking "wow I need to teach my son that those things aren't ok so that he never does something like that" I mean in reality, this is where it all started, a young man who watched his mother get beaten. Either way, there are no excuses and this is a very complex subject that makes me feel angry yet helpless.

On that note, my only hope is that despite what Chris Brown fans might think of her, Rihanna will eventually speak out, take a stand against domestic violence and be a proud representative for young women everywhere. But she's still a very young girl in love and one can only dream.

Move Over Cinderella and Prince Charming!

Tuesday night I found myself on my bed, legs crossed, chin resting on clasped hands and a smile stuck on my face as I watched President Obama and the First Lady dancing at the Neighborhood Ball like I was a little girl watching Cinderella and Prince Charming. What a beautiful moment in time! Beyonce did a wonderful job as Etta James (minus the awkward blond hair she has in the movie) and she almost cried as she sang to the couple. Those of you that missed it, here it is in it's entirety so you understand what I'm talking about.



As I was watching I couldn't help but wonder, what's wrong with wanting that? It seems like we've been trained to want things that are less than great. Granted not everyone is Barack or Michelle, but why can't we admit that's what we're looking for?

It seems men aren't really allowed to say they are looking for love and God forbid a women say she is looking for marriage, both are considered big no no's and so the madness of dating begins. Now it's not to say that every man is looking for love or that every woman is looking for marriage but those who are, have to succumb to living in the closet with the winter coats and Christian gays as they go around dating aimlessly full of false hope and secrets.

I have a few friends who have already found their Prince Charming so I know it's possible. But there are plenty of cynics who will say "things aren't what they seem" or "nothing is that perfect". No one is saying the cynics aren't right, but why not accept someone for what they seem to be AND who they really are? That's part of the "magic" in the Disney movies. We just never saw the part where Cinderella is a nose picker and Prince Charming the notorious butt scratcher lol That doesn't take away from the fact that they were Cinderella and Prince Charming. Who knows what happens between the Barack and Michelle behind (white house) closed doors but why does it matter? You can't deny those two love each other.

I have no shame in my game, I'm looking for my President Obama!

Happy New Year! (long over due)

Happy New Year Curlies!!!

So I've been a little down the last few days...and I feel like my positive horse is missing a leg. Lol So I started to put some thought into the things that would make me happy and how to get back into happy mode. Cue the new year's resolutions!

The problem with new year's resolutions is that we envision ourselves at the top of the mountain but not climbing it. We make plans of what to do at the top but don't plan how to get there.

Example, lots of people make goals to lose weight or get fit but the plan is this...I'm going to go to the gym more so I can look good in a bathing suit in 6 months. However the plan should be a little simpler, plan to work out 3 times next week and do a new excercise each time. Set a playlist and say I will run on the tradmill to 3 beyonce songs and work on my arms for 2 merengues, etc, etc. It already sounds more fun. The next week add songs to the playlist or change up the plan. (That was my bright idea of the day so I'm gonna try it and let you know how it goes lol)

Moving on. I like watching TV and I get home really late every night but my goal is to "play drums" why not practice during my 2 favorite shows...that's already two hours of practice a week...more than I'm doing now. That means training myself so that anytime those shows come on, I am sitting on the drum set. (My drum set has silent mesh heads so I can still hear my show of course)

Next! I also want to write more...and I want to write scripts and novels and I fill my head with all these dreams and fantasies of having it all done...but I am a better writer on the train. Why not get on the D train once a week to brooklyn and back and write the whole time? I know it sounds crazy...but writing should be my religion and just like people get up on Sundays to go to church I can get up and get on the train for 2 hours. It'll be weird the first couple of weeks but hopefully it'll get easier as I go.

With these goals and the crazy ways to accomplish them people might think I'm nuts...but hopefully it'll work because writing the resolutions down in January, half assing them by February and forgetting them by March just hasn't been cutting it. Every year the resolutions are exactly the same but they never get done...so something needs to change.

What are your goals and how are you going to make them fun so that come July or even September you're still on track?

Heartbreak Hotel

Seems like 'tis the season to be heartbroken this year. I think I'll dedicate this post to my heart broken friends.

I can't help but wonder why we hurt so bad sometimes. It's always on a different level but one thing remains the same...it all sucks. Here is a breakdown of some sucky types of heartbreak for you all...

The Set Me Up Heartbreak
This is when we drive past the stop signs and run the red lights straight into the disaster area assuming there will be green lights ahead and everything will be fine. Yet deep down we know the situation won't turn out well at all. We fall deeper and deeper into our own trap of love and false hope.

The Not Quite Broken Just Bruised Heartbreak
This is when we leave a situation and we feel heartbroken but a few days later we snap out of it and realize we're just a little disappointed. This is just our hearts expecting the worst. It takes a few nights out partying and some good days at work to get over this one. This is the heartbreak we would want if we absolutely HAD to choose one.

The WTF Heartbreak
This is the WORST of all. This is the one that feels like the time I was walking home from school and got hit in the back of the head with a football full force...except not as funny. Basically this one comes out of nowhere and hurts like hell. This is a tough one cuz it's really hard to completely take it in and hard to believe it's really happening to you. This is the one only time can heal. (I hate that statement!!) But it's true. Then again it doesn't mean the scar goes away. All I can say is hang in there and let me know if u need a hug :-/

The Heartbreak For Masochists
Some of us know this one all too well. This is for the ones that get picked up just to get knocked down over and over again. This is when we feel the pain but stay. Why we stay? Who knows...but the heartbreak is there. It is a constant pounding heartache without ever leaving the relationship. This one isn't fun at all but we get through it and we learn most from it.

The Picking At The Old Wound Heartbreak
This is when we think second or third time is a charm...not necessarily with the same person...but with the same wound. You know you dated that type before and it didn't work but you truly believe "this one is different". This can also be the heartbreak in denial. Almost like we think the last time we just didn't do enough and this time around we can make things work. Yeah...good luck with that. Most likely...that old wound you're picking at will open up and you'll wonder if you just happen to love the pain.

Every heartbreak includes at least one of these painful situations and I'm sure there are plenty of others you can all think of. Either way friends...there is nothing I can say to fix this for you. The only thing I know is heartbreak sometimes makes us think less of ourselves but I want you guys to know you are all great, special people and if someone you love fails to recognize that...the situation is only a setup for something better to come. I truly believe this...that's why I'm patiently waiting *twiddling thumbs* lol