Add That Umph!!!

Somewhere along the line of etiquette men seem to have lost their ability to be assertive. I understand for years women have been sending men the message of, give me my space, let me decide, I am woman hear me roar or whatever. But when did we send the message of tread lightly? I'm not sure if I'm alone on this one but I feel like I still want a man to be assertive. I still want him to take charge and go for what he wants.

Even though I might not want a guy to tell me what to do I would like a guy who's gonna say "what time do you get off work, I'm gonna come get you" rather than the whole "do you wanna hang out at some point? Let me know whens good for you, do u wanna meet up or do u want me to come get you?" What?!?! In the amount of time we go through that full conversation I've already second guessed this date 3 times lol.

Men, if a woman is semi interested, (i.e. She gave you her number, picked up when you called, didn't rush you off the phone and at some point suggested you see each other again.) put your pants on and go for it. Don't half ass it, don't be all scared and shy...just do it. I really miss those days when a dude would be on the phone with me and show up to surprise me. Any hesitation I might have had was gone when I saw him in front of me.

Now please notice there is a thin line between assertive and psycho...so you must be careful. I'm talking about people that have a mutual interest for each other not a man that wants to win over a woman that has no interest. Now it's possible that the lack of assertiveness on a mans part can also be a lack of interest...but that's a whole different topic.

The point is...is it too much to ask? Am I missing something? Just do the damn thing...don't think about it so much that u end up watering it down and making it lame.

What Do You Want???

Have you ever had a moment when someone tells you something that is so simple yet so deep it changes your perspective? Well let me start by saying I had a wonderful dinner last Tuesday night with a group of very diverse women who are activists/writers/entrepreneurs and just fun to hang out with. As the youngest in the group I felt honored to be in such great company. I feel like somewhere in the last few years I've been building towards something and I don't know what it is.

So here's the scenario, I am speaking about work and how I have a love/hate relationship with it. I love pop culture and am a sucker for all the garbage that's out on tv, and in music and films but I also recognize it's garbage and we all need to help make a change in society. So as I tell this lady what I do and how I feel about it she gives me encouraging words of wisdom. She tells me the satisfaction I want from life won't necessarily come from my job. Now of course I knew this already. But we all know we tell ourselves things every day and we are kind of just hoping we have the right idea. This lady is in her 60's and she has marched through the streets of spanish harlem, lived through segregation laws and has had 3 different careers in life. She also just finished another one of her many degrees. So needless to say, her words of wisdom made more sense than my own self analysis.

Of course this wasn't the end of it...that was just the beginning. The next few minutes of our conversation is what will stick with me forever. So she asks me "what do you see yourself doing 10 years from now?" So now I'm on the spot, I know I don't truly have an answer but I give it a shot anyway since I know I have an idea but just haven't confirmed it. So I begin to tell her things here and there and in between I say things I know I don't want to do. At the end of my rambling she asks me if she can give me her honest opinion and of course I want to hear it so I can't turn away from it now.

She says, "your answer has too many "not's" you're saying 'I know I want to do this but NOT the other and NOT that.' Focus on what you DO want and not so much on what you don't want and you'll be able to achieve it faster. Also remember whatever you choose isn't permanent. You can be one thing then another. I've had three different careers and every decade brings new goals"

So I sat there and all the light bulbs seemed to turn on in my head. I mean that was a simple statement. You wouldn't think it's anything that deep. But it was. It's one of the deepest things I've heard in a long time. So now...that's the goal...think of what I want!! What do I want? What do I see myself doing next year? The year after? When I'm 30? 50? 70? Ok that's going a little far...but the point is to think of what I want.

What do you guys want? And how do you plan on getting it!

Got it! Now go Curly!