Nip/Tuck

I know it's a bit early in the game to have this chat, but with all the plastic surgery buzz going around in my family lately, I feel the need to bring it up.

My aunt just got the "Lifestyle Lift" done. It's the one in the infomercials where they just "slightly lift sagging skin". I went to see her the day after and I have to admit she looked like a hot mess. Her face was swollen, you could barely see her eyes, she had a bandage from the top of her head around and under her chin and the sides of her mouth were so bruised they were turning black. So this is the healing process because she obviously just had a full surgery (not JUST a slight lift of the skin)and doctors told her she looked good compared to others. The other day this lady my aunt met at the doctor's office came by her house to chat about the procedure and I can't lie, this lady is 77 and looked like she was in her 50's. Now my mom is talking about getting it done too. Anyone that knows my mom knows she looks really good for 60. But like every woman, she sees little things that she doesn't like and she wants to get "fixed".

So I mention all this to ask, how many of us will go through this years from now just to look good? Also, wouldn't you feel like you're cheating? Like anytime someone says "wow you look good for your age" there will be a disclaimer like "oh but she's had work done".

I think if you're looking raggedy and you want to look better and feel better (and you're willing to go through all the craziness of getting cut up and healing) then hey, go for it. But what if u don't look raggedy, wouldn't you be scared that they'll make a mistake and you'll come out worse than how u went in?

So that's just the face, we're all young and don't need to think about that right now. But what about other parts of the body? Would u get a boob job just because you don't feel like you have enough? Would u get lipo because you can't seem to hit the gym and lose a few pounds? Would you get your butt done cuz you feel there isn't enough there? These are all questions that I'm sure go through people's minds all the time.

I know years ago when my mom had a "lipo gone wrong" and had gaping holes in her abdomen that wouldn't heal, I was like "hell no...I would NEVER" But now I find myself thinking, hmm if I ever feel the time is right, if absolutely necessary and with enough research I too might be down to go under the knife. So the "hell no" turned into a maybe in just 10 years. Does that mean in another 10 years I'll be like "sure!"? Or in 20 years I might say "of course!!"?

Times are changing so who knows, but just the fact that I'm writing about it is pretty interesting. Any of you Curly Fries ever consider surgery? Have you already gotten something done and feel great about it? Or is plastic surgery a big no no?

Boo Hoo Poor Me

Staying positive is a hard ass job...in the scheme of things...it's probably the hardest work my brain has ever done lol. It's so easy to be negative and throw yourself a pity party but one day you just have to wake up and realize the attitude isn't getting you anywhere. Just stop taking the easy way out.

First of all, take a real hard look at things and realize...things could be worse. No really...they can always be worse.

Bad things happen to good people...yes...BUT sometimes good people give off bad energy and bad things come from bad energy. Am I making sense or do I sound like I'm smoking something? Lol

There's something I can't explain about the energy we put out there. (I know everyone talks about The Secret and how the book explains it all but I haven't read it so I'm on my own here.)

At the beginning of the year I made a pledge to myself to start thinking positive. Now I know it may sound silly but I literally wrote it down and started to make a conscious effort to be positive. If someone on the train bumped into me, I thought to myself "maybe they didn't notice...and if they did, so what? Am I hurt? Is it really THAT serious?" It was easier to just get annoyed and want to push the person but thinking it through and staying positive was my new thing.

I have to say that what may sound like gibberish right now to some of you set a whole bunch of things in motion for me in the first month of this little exercise. Things happened that I didn't even expect. It just seemed like everything was in motion and more good things are coming soon I hope. I do realize I need to cut out the complaining and with other people feeling down it's easy to fall off with them.

I have to admit I've fallen off the positivity wagon since then but I'm slowly trying to get back on. I swear to you it really works. I started again this week and already I've gotten some good signs at work. I'm feeling good about this one so we'll see if I can keep the positivity going.

Snap out of it folks! If there is one thing people should add to their long list of things to do, it's to stop the self pity and start thinking positive. Be ok with yourself and let the hard work begin. I'll keep you posted on my progress as well.

"Spanish"

Spanish
adjective: 1. of or pertaining to Spain, its people, or their language.
noun: 2. a Romance language, the language of Spain, standard also in most of Latin America except Brazil.


Therefore Spanish is what I speak NOT what I am.

I have to admit that a growing pet peeve of mine is when people use the word Spanish to describe a group of people who are not from Spain yet speak Spanish aka Latinos (or Hispanics...the use of this label is for another blog)

Spanish food: This label doesn't bother me as much because it is in reference to food and not people but at times it will be such a vague reference that I'll get confused and think I'm going to eat paella and tapas somewhere only to find out I'm getting rice and beans with pernil. Please people, try to be more specific. If you are going to a restaurant, most likely it's from a specific country or region, therefore you should use that term. This might seem like it doesn't matter but people will only learn about our culture if we teach them. For example, mangu is a key food in the Dominican culture and a Spanish person would never even know where I comes from...there for it isn't Spanish food.

Now to the big one, "Spanish People". I know old habits are hard to break but we need to start somewhere. We have to stop calling ourselves Spanish. I think this issue is more prevalent in New York City because years ago groups of Latinos were all over the city and people didn't know any better but to categorize us by the language we speak. After so many years of being in this country and assuming this generation has a better education than the last, we should set higher standards. I went to school in Harlem where everyone just said the school was "mostly black and spanish" I've never considered myself Spanish and after living in Spain I KNOW we def aren't Spanish. The culture is very different and even the Spanish we speak is different. I think the hardest part is hearing Latinos referring to other Latinos as Spanish. I know it's just a habit but ideally we would break this habit and correct others as well. It's not offensive but it is very inaccurate and living in a society where people would be quick to call all of us Mexican or maybe Puerto Rican depending on what city you're in, we should be the ones to get it right.

Here's a little story: a few weeks ago, someone in the Twitter world started a trending topic called "#uknowuspanish" and the way it works is you write that followed by something that makes you "spanish" so this topic kept going around. I saw tons of stereotypes flying around like "...if u like reggaeton" or "...if you go crazy when daddy yankee "gasolina" comes on"...womp womp...obviously these people don't even know Gasolina has been in the "played out" category for the last 5 or 6 years lol Either way...I think it bothered me because it was obvious that the people who started this whole thing were def not in touch with our culture and it almost became ridicule.

All that to say...we are not Spanish we are Latinos/(maybe Hispanic if u still prefer that) and (insert country here). We speak Spanish and on occasion go to a Spanish restaurant for some good sangria or jamon serrano...but unless u have a parent or grandparent from Spain...you aren't Spanish either.

Ok...wow...felt good to get that one out!

Don't get me wrong...you don't have to tiptoe around me when you feel like saying "Spanish" and I'm not going to sentence you to 50 lashes for using the wrong term lol. This is more of an awareness blog. Just something to keep in mind because one day you will run into some ignorant person that will put you in a box and then they'll point the finger at you for "saying it first".

How Come You Don't Call Me... Anymore?

It wasn't very long ago that Alicia Keys came out with "How Come You Don't Call Me" and I was feelin it and singing it at the top of my lungs wondering when some no good boy would call me. My how times change...it feels like nowadays the song should be more along the lines of "How Come You Call Me So Much?" Or "How Come You Don't Text Me?"

This conversation came up at Pimo's BBQ a few weeks ago. Her sister brought up some great points and I always thought I was the only one that felt that way but I guess not!

How much calling is too much calling? I personally don't want a guy calling me all the time. If I like him then once a day is more than enough and unless there's something wrong, I don't need to talk to you a few times a day. It just seems excessive and I feel like I could get a lot more done if I was doing something better like texting or emailing.

Has technology made us less sensitive or has it just made things easier? I mean I'd like to think I'm just as sensitive as I was before but now there are other ways for you to show me you care. I feel like it's made things easier. It's also a better way to gauge if someone is interested because it's so easy that if you can't manage to do that...there's no telling how many other ways u can fail. Lol (so dramatic I know)

I don't need a guy to call me all the time or even every day but send me a nice text to see how my day is going and you're gold. Very simple. If you think of me while you're on the line for lunch cuz you saw some curly fries and you send me a text...jackpot! Lol it might sound stupid...but it really is about the little things. Now do I want you to call me on your lunch break and talk to me about how you're gonna get curly fries cuz you thought of me? Nope...corny! I can't respond to that with an "lol you're silly" instead I'd just be silent on the other end like "ummm I gotta go" lol

Now in today's world it's highly likely both people will be busy with work and other things...you obviously shouldn't be too busy to see each other but you might just be too busy to have a full blown convo on the phone...this is when texting or emailing comes in handy. You could be running to a meeting or waiting on an email from work and sneak that nice little 2 second gesture in. Now if you have no time to send a text...that might be a problem.

Sometimes we don't want to admit that we prefer the "less personal yet more practical" way of staying in touch, but reality is times are changing. So even if I like you, if I have to opt for something that isn't face to face, I will choose writing over speaking. Just sayin!

Things Are Going Great!!

Someone was sharing their hate for their friend's man the other day and it led me to break things down...

Most women can say they've been in situations where they dislike their friend's significant other. There's always some flaw that the friend can't stand and as friends, we always believe our girl is to good for the man she's with. Now who's fault is that?

Reality is most of us are quick to blame the guy for being a jerk or the friend for being a "hater". However we hardly ever blame the girlfriend in the relationship. A mistake women in relationships make is running to their girlfriends when the man does something wrong. But do we ever run to our girlfriends when the man does something right? Never. Why?

1. We don't want to show off or make someone else feel bad.
I think most women, especially the ones we grew up with try to be modest. It's hard to go to someone in a messed up relationship or no relationship at all and tell them how your man just gave you the world just for the hell of it. We never want to seem like we're bragging. However, if you have the right group of friends, it should be safe to assume that they'd be happy for you.

2. We're afraid to "jinx" it.
Now this reason sounds silly but I'll explain why it's logical. If you have ever witnessed a relationship gone totally wrong after it seemed extremely right, then you will always have the fear of the same thing happening to you. This isn't the right way to think though. When we do this to ourselves it makes it harder to live in the present. You'd be so focused on what's to come that you'd miss out how great things are now. Again, even if things didn't turn out as planned, good friends would be happy for you when you're happy and stick around if things break down.

3. We don't want to feel "dumb" later on.
Much like #2, this is a pessimistic way to think. It is natural for things to change. Your excitement might be gone after a week, a month, a year etc. But at least you had a point of excitement. So why not share that? I might be in love with Thai food today and hate it next year and I highly doubt anyone would ever tease me about how wrong I was for loving Thai food and say "I told you so" for me hating it later. So why would it be any different with anything else, career, love, family, life, etc. All that to say that once again the right group of friends would accept changes in our lives and support each other.

Obviously, in all these scenarios there is one common denominator: friends. People, if we know our friends will be there for us when we are feeling down and out why can't we assume our friends will be there when we are happy as well?

I think it will take some time for us to grow out of our "share your problems but keep your happiness to yourself" type of attitude. Until we all stop feeling guilty for having things go well, we won't snap out of it. We all need to learn to empower each other and share all our positive experiences. Also, women, some of you need to stop hating, because when you hate, people can't help but bring negative vibes around you and therefore you'll never grow.

The next time you are surrounded by great friends chat about how great things are going with everyone. Don't just listen, share what's good with you as well. I know I'll be working on that goal myself.