Move Over Cinderella and Prince Charming!

Tuesday night I found myself on my bed, legs crossed, chin resting on clasped hands and a smile stuck on my face as I watched President Obama and the First Lady dancing at the Neighborhood Ball like I was a little girl watching Cinderella and Prince Charming. What a beautiful moment in time! Beyonce did a wonderful job as Etta James (minus the awkward blond hair she has in the movie) and she almost cried as she sang to the couple. Those of you that missed it, here it is in it's entirety so you understand what I'm talking about.



As I was watching I couldn't help but wonder, what's wrong with wanting that? It seems like we've been trained to want things that are less than great. Granted not everyone is Barack or Michelle, but why can't we admit that's what we're looking for?

It seems men aren't really allowed to say they are looking for love and God forbid a women say she is looking for marriage, both are considered big no no's and so the madness of dating begins. Now it's not to say that every man is looking for love or that every woman is looking for marriage but those who are, have to succumb to living in the closet with the winter coats and Christian gays as they go around dating aimlessly full of false hope and secrets.

I have a few friends who have already found their Prince Charming so I know it's possible. But there are plenty of cynics who will say "things aren't what they seem" or "nothing is that perfect". No one is saying the cynics aren't right, but why not accept someone for what they seem to be AND who they really are? That's part of the "magic" in the Disney movies. We just never saw the part where Cinderella is a nose picker and Prince Charming the notorious butt scratcher lol That doesn't take away from the fact that they were Cinderella and Prince Charming. Who knows what happens between the Barack and Michelle behind (white house) closed doors but why does it matter? You can't deny those two love each other.

I have no shame in my game, I'm looking for my President Obama!

Happy New Year! (long over due)

Happy New Year Curlies!!!

So I've been a little down the last few days...and I feel like my positive horse is missing a leg. Lol So I started to put some thought into the things that would make me happy and how to get back into happy mode. Cue the new year's resolutions!

The problem with new year's resolutions is that we envision ourselves at the top of the mountain but not climbing it. We make plans of what to do at the top but don't plan how to get there.

Example, lots of people make goals to lose weight or get fit but the plan is this...I'm going to go to the gym more so I can look good in a bathing suit in 6 months. However the plan should be a little simpler, plan to work out 3 times next week and do a new excercise each time. Set a playlist and say I will run on the tradmill to 3 beyonce songs and work on my arms for 2 merengues, etc, etc. It already sounds more fun. The next week add songs to the playlist or change up the plan. (That was my bright idea of the day so I'm gonna try it and let you know how it goes lol)

Moving on. I like watching TV and I get home really late every night but my goal is to "play drums" why not practice during my 2 favorite shows...that's already two hours of practice a week...more than I'm doing now. That means training myself so that anytime those shows come on, I am sitting on the drum set. (My drum set has silent mesh heads so I can still hear my show of course)

Next! I also want to write more...and I want to write scripts and novels and I fill my head with all these dreams and fantasies of having it all done...but I am a better writer on the train. Why not get on the D train once a week to brooklyn and back and write the whole time? I know it sounds crazy...but writing should be my religion and just like people get up on Sundays to go to church I can get up and get on the train for 2 hours. It'll be weird the first couple of weeks but hopefully it'll get easier as I go.

With these goals and the crazy ways to accomplish them people might think I'm nuts...but hopefully it'll work because writing the resolutions down in January, half assing them by February and forgetting them by March just hasn't been cutting it. Every year the resolutions are exactly the same but they never get done...so something needs to change.

What are your goals and how are you going to make them fun so that come July or even September you're still on track?

Heartbreak Hotel

Seems like 'tis the season to be heartbroken this year. I think I'll dedicate this post to my heart broken friends.

I can't help but wonder why we hurt so bad sometimes. It's always on a different level but one thing remains the same...it all sucks. Here is a breakdown of some sucky types of heartbreak for you all...

The Set Me Up Heartbreak
This is when we drive past the stop signs and run the red lights straight into the disaster area assuming there will be green lights ahead and everything will be fine. Yet deep down we know the situation won't turn out well at all. We fall deeper and deeper into our own trap of love and false hope.

The Not Quite Broken Just Bruised Heartbreak
This is when we leave a situation and we feel heartbroken but a few days later we snap out of it and realize we're just a little disappointed. This is just our hearts expecting the worst. It takes a few nights out partying and some good days at work to get over this one. This is the heartbreak we would want if we absolutely HAD to choose one.

The WTF Heartbreak
This is the WORST of all. This is the one that feels like the time I was walking home from school and got hit in the back of the head with a football full force...except not as funny. Basically this one comes out of nowhere and hurts like hell. This is a tough one cuz it's really hard to completely take it in and hard to believe it's really happening to you. This is the one only time can heal. (I hate that statement!!) But it's true. Then again it doesn't mean the scar goes away. All I can say is hang in there and let me know if u need a hug :-/

The Heartbreak For Masochists
Some of us know this one all too well. This is for the ones that get picked up just to get knocked down over and over again. This is when we feel the pain but stay. Why we stay? Who knows...but the heartbreak is there. It is a constant pounding heartache without ever leaving the relationship. This one isn't fun at all but we get through it and we learn most from it.

The Picking At The Old Wound Heartbreak
This is when we think second or third time is a charm...not necessarily with the same person...but with the same wound. You know you dated that type before and it didn't work but you truly believe "this one is different". This can also be the heartbreak in denial. Almost like we think the last time we just didn't do enough and this time around we can make things work. Yeah...good luck with that. Most likely...that old wound you're picking at will open up and you'll wonder if you just happen to love the pain.

Every heartbreak includes at least one of these painful situations and I'm sure there are plenty of others you can all think of. Either way friends...there is nothing I can say to fix this for you. The only thing I know is heartbreak sometimes makes us think less of ourselves but I want you guys to know you are all great, special people and if someone you love fails to recognize that...the situation is only a setup for something better to come. I truly believe this...that's why I'm patiently waiting *twiddling thumbs* lol

Was That A Heart Attack At 26?!?!

Boy did I have a scare today!!

Anyone that knows me well, knows how much I love my niece Madison. I love all kids around me but Madison is a special kid, she is smart, funny and has a strong sense of self. (I'm not just saying this because I had a scare today..everyone knows I loved her even when she was a toddler straight out of the Exorcist movie...if anyone loved that little monster child then, there's no way to not love that sweet girl now lol)

My mom called me at work today...balling...she told me the school bus dropped Madison off at her stop and no one had seen her since. My heart sank. I start getting ready to leave work...nervous as all hell. Nothing is making sense...I'm pacing all over. Truth is, I felt helpless. My sister lives an hour and a half away and I work about 30 minutes from my house. So that is at least 2 hours of doing nothing to help find Maddie.

I then thought I'd call my sister and get an update, she tells me everything is ok and that she found her. At that moment...I lost it...I cried. I sat at my desk with my sister on the phone and just cried. For those of you that didn't know...I hadn't cried in two years (except for shedding two tears a few weeks ago) and I was seriously beginning to think I had a problem. This was a real cry...like to the point where my sister was on the phone like "hello, hello?" and the words just wouldn't come out.

So it turns out, Madison left her violin in class and knowing this would have cost her mom $600 to replace, she turned around to get it causing her to miss her bus. Therefore she was on the late bus. When she got off of the bus she saw some people she felt were "a little weird" so she went into the grocery store and asked the lady if she could wait for her mom there. She called her mom a few times from the phone at the store but the calls wouldn't go through. She then just sat down and started reading a book knowing her mom would eventually come get her. Of course when my sister found her she cried like a baby and Madison laughed at her like it was common sense that she'd be in the store...duh! (my sister has always told her if she felt uncomfortable walking home to go into the store and wait there)

She did EVERYTHING right! We're talking about an 11 year old, who did more for herself than most adults have any sense to do. So it gets me to think about other kids I know, are they trained well enough to be responsible and take precautions? Do we know how to train our nieces, nephews, cousins, sons and daughters so that they too can look out for themselves? It's a scary world out there folks and we have to make sure kids are aware of their surroundings and know what to do when something doesn't feel right.

Also, how often do you tell children around you (not strangers...lol) that you love them or that they are doing an excellent job? Madison is a very smart girl and she knows how great she is...but that's in part because we tell her all the time. If anything, we might be creating a pompous beast, but at 11 years old, you can never give a child enough praise. Sometimes we think it's cheesy to say "good job", especially when it's an older kid that might think "ok you're old and corny", but let's face it...we ARE cheesy, old and corny. Now that we have that fact out of the way, start using your old, cheesy, corny selves to empower some kids. (This might also help some of you with your "I'm the sh*t because..." assignment...so get to it lol)(hmmm do I see an ad for the Boys and Girl's Club in the making? lol)

In the end, I just thank God this was only a scare. I don't wish that feeling on anyone and I hope to never have to experience something like that again.

Wow...Im The Sh*t!!

No really...I am! I just got in from working a great show with wonderful artists who also happened to be down to earth and very easy to work with. I feel great! I'm young, with a great job and a great outlook on life.

Why is it hard for so many of us to say that? Why do we usually feel guilty when we are doing well and don't want to admit that hey...we are the sh*t!

I have to admit I usually feel guilty for things I have accomplished. I guess that's part of our nature because not everyone in our community is doing well. Sometimes we don't want to share the positive things we are experiencing for fear that others will think we are showing off or that we are throwing our success in their face.

Tonight, I don't feel that way. I had a great night and was in the mix with a bunch of celebrities and did a kick a$$ job. I don't feel guilty for being able to do what I did tonight cuz I know I've worked my butt off to get here. I've been through some tough times at work and at home since graduating college and I feel I've earned any great privileges I have today. I've been working towards this for 8 years now. Now here I was working on the finale of a show that I watched 10 years ago never even imagining I could be on the other end. Needless to say, working on this show really put everything in perspective.

I guess the point of this is not only that I am the sh*t, but that pretty much everyone I know is the sh*t in their own way. It doesn't take working with celebrities or anything like that, I mean the work I do is insignificant compared to what most people i know are doing. Everyone needs to stop and take a look around them, there is something you are doing that is great. If you don't think there is, maybe you need to just stop kicking yourself and make it happen. For the most part...we all have our moments and we need to take pride in them.

I think everyone needs to take a minute....right now...while you read this blog and tell yourself "damn...i am the sh*t". Don't just say it tho...make sure you believe it. Give yourself a reason to believe it. We all have overcome some obstacle...maybe you never gave yourself credit for it...do it now. Matter of fact...take a minute to reply to this post by finishing this sentence: "I'm the sh*t because..."

Man I wonder if Obama ever stops for a minute and thinks "damn Barack...you really are the sh*t" (maybe not in those words)...but if he doesn't...he def should. lol

Anyway...it's late and I'm starting to ramble. Moral of the story is...take a minute to realize you're the sh*t (and why) and don't be ashamed to say so.

That said...Damn CurlyFries...you really ARE the sh*t!

P.S. don't hate on my positivity...I had a good night...so sue me! :-P

Tell Me Lies, Tell Me Sweet Little Lies

Disclaimer: This concept applies to pretty much anything in life…but addressing all that would be a book not a blog so I broke it down to a relationship standpoint.

Would you rather...

...Have your significant other of a few years tell you they've been seeing other people behind your back OR enjoy life with that person all the while not knowing they're creepin'?

...Have someone you start dating reveal they've slept with too many people to count OR just don't get into that topic?

...Have your significant other tell you they're gay OR pull the "don't ask don't tell" card?

The question here is: who really likes to hear the truth? People always say they want to know the truth but do they really?

For the most part you have two types of people...you have those that no matter what, no matter how much it hurts them, they want to know the truth. These are people that usually ask questions...they will dig for the truth if necessary.

Then you have your "I don't wanna know" people. These are the ones that rather live life "happily ever after" and never want to be hurt by the truth so they don't ask and don't dig.

Reality is, sometimes the truth makes us miserable. It's one of those things that can change how you live your life, how you treat other people, etc. Does that mean we rather go around happily living a lie?

I can't say I know exactly where I stand with this one. I think I lean more towards wanting to know. I like to ask questions...I don’t necessarily like digging too much...but I like to ask. For the most part, I’d hate to ever think I’m living a lie. If it's something major and heartbreaking then I have to deal with it, learn from it and move on. If it's insignificant I'd still like to know.

That said, I do feel there are details we don't NEED to know. There are insignificant things that won't break a situation but will change the dynamic so it’s better to leave those things alone i.e. if the person I'm dating used to do midget porn in Tijuana (props to IVR aka Mr. Anonymous for the insane example lol). I guess that would be one of those things you just don’t dig for. However, you can bet if it “happens to come up” I’ll think you're a weirdo and might have to reevaluate our situation.

In the end, the truth has a way of coming out anyway so why not get it all upfront. I just think I'd probably feel better going through life knowing the important facts (good or bad).

Where Are The Blacktinos??

Disclaimer: I know as a New Yorker, we take our openness to different cultures for granted and a large portion of the country doesn't actually know the difference between Mexicans and any other Latinos...but one can only dream.

Let me start with a fun fact. I just found out that Tristan Wilds from The Wire, Secret Life of Bees and the new 90210 is half Dominican and half Black. The article I read mentions how he doesn't get Latino roles because he doesn't look "Latino enough" therefore he's always been casted for African American roles. Now what exactly makes you "look Latino"? Do we all have to look like Jennifer Lopez (who hardly ever plays a Latina anyway) or like Eva Mendes?

There are a few Black Latinos...more specifically Dominicans in the industry that happen to be "too dark" for Latino roles and end up playing Black roles instead. Take Zoe Saldana for example, she's 100% Dominican yet played a Black girl in both Drumline and Guess Who?. She probably "doesn't look Latina enough" either. Sometimes I think it must be heart wrenching as an actress to read for the part of a Latina and not get it because no matter what your roots are, you just physically don't fit the mold Hollywood has created for us. That said, I am proud of the fact she actually gets jobs in Hollywood and that she takes pride in being a Black woman. Her perception of it is perfect too:

"When I go to the D.R., the press in Santo Domingo always asks, "¿Qué te consideras, dominicana o americana?" (What do you consider yourself, Dominican or American?) I don't understand it, and it's the same people asking the same question. So I say, time and time again, "Yo soy una mujer negra." ("I am a black woman.") [They go,] "Oh, no, tú eres trigueñita." ("Oh no, you are 'dark skinned'") I'm like, "No! Let's get it straight, yo soy una mujer negra." ("I am a black woman.")"

Ha! Can you imagine the Dominican reporters cringing?!?! I love it!!!

Anytime I criticize Latino portrayal in the media, I have to take a step back and look at our own networks first. We have our own television channels and we don't see ourselves there either. It is very hard to find a dark skin character in any shows on Telemundo or Univision. So as I've always said...how can others get it right when we can't even seem to do it ourselves? Obviously this is all much more deeply rooted and has to do with the fact that some Latinos have a problem with embracing their Black roots but can't the networks step up and help break this mold? Now don't get me wrong...I completely understand "TV Business" language but so what if "the Dallas market" or "the Denver market" has no idea Black Latinos exist...TEACH THEM! Guaranteed when someone sees a Black character on a show speaking Spanish fluently, they will understand that there are Black Latinos.

The truth is your audience of Don Francisco loving grandmas and grandpas won't be around forever...and as proven last week...we are a generation of change. Let's get with the times Univison and Telemundo... step it up!!