"Spanish"

Spanish
adjective: 1. of or pertaining to Spain, its people, or their language.
noun: 2. a Romance language, the language of Spain, standard also in most of Latin America except Brazil.


Therefore Spanish is what I speak NOT what I am.

I have to admit that a growing pet peeve of mine is when people use the word Spanish to describe a group of people who are not from Spain yet speak Spanish aka Latinos (or Hispanics...the use of this label is for another blog)

Spanish food: This label doesn't bother me as much because it is in reference to food and not people but at times it will be such a vague reference that I'll get confused and think I'm going to eat paella and tapas somewhere only to find out I'm getting rice and beans with pernil. Please people, try to be more specific. If you are going to a restaurant, most likely it's from a specific country or region, therefore you should use that term. This might seem like it doesn't matter but people will only learn about our culture if we teach them. For example, mangu is a key food in the Dominican culture and a Spanish person would never even know where I comes from...there for it isn't Spanish food.

Now to the big one, "Spanish People". I know old habits are hard to break but we need to start somewhere. We have to stop calling ourselves Spanish. I think this issue is more prevalent in New York City because years ago groups of Latinos were all over the city and people didn't know any better but to categorize us by the language we speak. After so many years of being in this country and assuming this generation has a better education than the last, we should set higher standards. I went to school in Harlem where everyone just said the school was "mostly black and spanish" I've never considered myself Spanish and after living in Spain I KNOW we def aren't Spanish. The culture is very different and even the Spanish we speak is different. I think the hardest part is hearing Latinos referring to other Latinos as Spanish. I know it's just a habit but ideally we would break this habit and correct others as well. It's not offensive but it is very inaccurate and living in a society where people would be quick to call all of us Mexican or maybe Puerto Rican depending on what city you're in, we should be the ones to get it right.

Here's a little story: a few weeks ago, someone in the Twitter world started a trending topic called "#uknowuspanish" and the way it works is you write that followed by something that makes you "spanish" so this topic kept going around. I saw tons of stereotypes flying around like "...if u like reggaeton" or "...if you go crazy when daddy yankee "gasolina" comes on"...womp womp...obviously these people don't even know Gasolina has been in the "played out" category for the last 5 or 6 years lol Either way...I think it bothered me because it was obvious that the people who started this whole thing were def not in touch with our culture and it almost became ridicule.

All that to say...we are not Spanish we are Latinos/(maybe Hispanic if u still prefer that) and (insert country here). We speak Spanish and on occasion go to a Spanish restaurant for some good sangria or jamon serrano...but unless u have a parent or grandparent from Spain...you aren't Spanish either.

Ok...wow...felt good to get that one out!

Don't get me wrong...you don't have to tiptoe around me when you feel like saying "Spanish" and I'm not going to sentence you to 50 lashes for using the wrong term lol. This is more of an awareness blog. Just something to keep in mind because one day you will run into some ignorant person that will put you in a box and then they'll point the finger at you for "saying it first".

How Come You Don't Call Me... Anymore?

It wasn't very long ago that Alicia Keys came out with "How Come You Don't Call Me" and I was feelin it and singing it at the top of my lungs wondering when some no good boy would call me. My how times change...it feels like nowadays the song should be more along the lines of "How Come You Call Me So Much?" Or "How Come You Don't Text Me?"

This conversation came up at Pimo's BBQ a few weeks ago. Her sister brought up some great points and I always thought I was the only one that felt that way but I guess not!

How much calling is too much calling? I personally don't want a guy calling me all the time. If I like him then once a day is more than enough and unless there's something wrong, I don't need to talk to you a few times a day. It just seems excessive and I feel like I could get a lot more done if I was doing something better like texting or emailing.

Has technology made us less sensitive or has it just made things easier? I mean I'd like to think I'm just as sensitive as I was before but now there are other ways for you to show me you care. I feel like it's made things easier. It's also a better way to gauge if someone is interested because it's so easy that if you can't manage to do that...there's no telling how many other ways u can fail. Lol (so dramatic I know)

I don't need a guy to call me all the time or even every day but send me a nice text to see how my day is going and you're gold. Very simple. If you think of me while you're on the line for lunch cuz you saw some curly fries and you send me a text...jackpot! Lol it might sound stupid...but it really is about the little things. Now do I want you to call me on your lunch break and talk to me about how you're gonna get curly fries cuz you thought of me? Nope...corny! I can't respond to that with an "lol you're silly" instead I'd just be silent on the other end like "ummm I gotta go" lol

Now in today's world it's highly likely both people will be busy with work and other things...you obviously shouldn't be too busy to see each other but you might just be too busy to have a full blown convo on the phone...this is when texting or emailing comes in handy. You could be running to a meeting or waiting on an email from work and sneak that nice little 2 second gesture in. Now if you have no time to send a text...that might be a problem.

Sometimes we don't want to admit that we prefer the "less personal yet more practical" way of staying in touch, but reality is times are changing. So even if I like you, if I have to opt for something that isn't face to face, I will choose writing over speaking. Just sayin!

Things Are Going Great!!

Someone was sharing their hate for their friend's man the other day and it led me to break things down...

Most women can say they've been in situations where they dislike their friend's significant other. There's always some flaw that the friend can't stand and as friends, we always believe our girl is to good for the man she's with. Now who's fault is that?

Reality is most of us are quick to blame the guy for being a jerk or the friend for being a "hater". However we hardly ever blame the girlfriend in the relationship. A mistake women in relationships make is running to their girlfriends when the man does something wrong. But do we ever run to our girlfriends when the man does something right? Never. Why?

1. We don't want to show off or make someone else feel bad.
I think most women, especially the ones we grew up with try to be modest. It's hard to go to someone in a messed up relationship or no relationship at all and tell them how your man just gave you the world just for the hell of it. We never want to seem like we're bragging. However, if you have the right group of friends, it should be safe to assume that they'd be happy for you.

2. We're afraid to "jinx" it.
Now this reason sounds silly but I'll explain why it's logical. If you have ever witnessed a relationship gone totally wrong after it seemed extremely right, then you will always have the fear of the same thing happening to you. This isn't the right way to think though. When we do this to ourselves it makes it harder to live in the present. You'd be so focused on what's to come that you'd miss out how great things are now. Again, even if things didn't turn out as planned, good friends would be happy for you when you're happy and stick around if things break down.

3. We don't want to feel "dumb" later on.
Much like #2, this is a pessimistic way to think. It is natural for things to change. Your excitement might be gone after a week, a month, a year etc. But at least you had a point of excitement. So why not share that? I might be in love with Thai food today and hate it next year and I highly doubt anyone would ever tease me about how wrong I was for loving Thai food and say "I told you so" for me hating it later. So why would it be any different with anything else, career, love, family, life, etc. All that to say that once again the right group of friends would accept changes in our lives and support each other.

Obviously, in all these scenarios there is one common denominator: friends. People, if we know our friends will be there for us when we are feeling down and out why can't we assume our friends will be there when we are happy as well?

I think it will take some time for us to grow out of our "share your problems but keep your happiness to yourself" type of attitude. Until we all stop feeling guilty for having things go well, we won't snap out of it. We all need to learn to empower each other and share all our positive experiences. Also, women, some of you need to stop hating, because when you hate, people can't help but bring negative vibes around you and therefore you'll never grow.

The next time you are surrounded by great friends chat about how great things are going with everyone. Don't just listen, share what's good with you as well. I know I'll be working on that goal myself.

20 Something Female

Oh the joys and stresses of being a 20 something year old female in 2009.

They say these are the best years of our lives...yet we are constantly stressing over a million things going on in our lives. We've got careers, family, fun, school, friends and futures to think about. Shout out to Curly Fries follower, Pimo, for taking this pic at our latest sleepover.



It's a true reflection of some of the most important things in our lives now:

Wine: Oh yes... it's a really important part of our lives right now. And not just wine but vodka, beer, rum, tequila, etc. Anything involving alcohol usually equals fun in our book. As someone who started drinking "late" I can't say I know when it all became so alcohol centered. It might be the idea of opening up and being candid with friends or the process of going out and drinking til we can't dance anymore and we've induced a craving for breakfast at 4AM. It's not to say that people can't have fun without drinking, but if done right, it can make for some great stories. Even during a recession the idea alcohol can cheer u up if u find a spot serving it cheap or free.

Birth Control: Aside from the fact that the lack of birth control will force us to stop enjoying the previous topic: alcohol, most of us 20 something year old women are trying to plan out our lives and make sure we don't randomly pop out little people whose lives will be highly dependent on whether or not we know what we're doing. With that said, we are in our late 20's and the baby conversations come up every once in a while. Even though most of us don't plan to have kids for at least another 5 years, we are following a generation of women who started being moms in their early 20's so sometimes we do get looked at a bit sideways lol.

Blackberries...Blackberries...and more Blackberries: I think whether you have a blackberry or not, you know these phones usually remind you of work in one way or another. The career path of a 20 something year old woman...it can be all planned out but lord knows for many, it's up in the air and filled with second thoughts and plan B's. The blackberry might have you tied down if it's attached to the work email, or keep you out of the loop if it isn't. Either way, it's usually a lose-lose situation. For me it's the epitome of the industry in general. If I don't have my phone...I feel lost (twitter being a big reason nowadays). The phone in general can also just represent drama (depending on ur situation, who has your number, or maybe who checks your phone lol). However you look at it, there's one thing our Blackberries (or other phones) do that we couldn't have done a decade ago, keep in touch 24/7!

Wedding Magazines: There usually aren't too many of these in a big circle of friends...but every couple of months, somewhere, someone we know is falling in love, getting engaged, getting married, moving in with their man, etc. Even a bigger rarity is knowing someone who is absolutely, really and truly happy in their situation. Although it might be rare, it's wonderful when u witness or experience it. In the end, that's what most women in their late 20's are looking for, to be in that one situation that's just "real good". Good or not, when it comes to relationships, the average 20 something year old woman can be anywhere on the spectrum: going through breakups, the on again off again's, completely in love, just kickin' it, finding her soul mate, dating around, "all the single ladies", turnin me on/off, etc, etc.

With all that said, congrats to all my 20 something year old ladies that are going back to school or kickin ass at work, partying hard or cutting back on the drinking, havin babies or not havin babies, getting married or enjoying the single life, and all that good stuff that comes with "the best years of our lives"!! Just remember it's all normal and soon enough we'll be reminiscing and lying about our age just to feel like we're 20 something again!

Add That Umph!!!

Somewhere along the line of etiquette men seem to have lost their ability to be assertive. I understand for years women have been sending men the message of, give me my space, let me decide, I am woman hear me roar or whatever. But when did we send the message of tread lightly? I'm not sure if I'm alone on this one but I feel like I still want a man to be assertive. I still want him to take charge and go for what he wants.

Even though I might not want a guy to tell me what to do I would like a guy who's gonna say "what time do you get off work, I'm gonna come get you" rather than the whole "do you wanna hang out at some point? Let me know whens good for you, do u wanna meet up or do u want me to come get you?" What?!?! In the amount of time we go through that full conversation I've already second guessed this date 3 times lol.

Men, if a woman is semi interested, (i.e. She gave you her number, picked up when you called, didn't rush you off the phone and at some point suggested you see each other again.) put your pants on and go for it. Don't half ass it, don't be all scared and shy...just do it. I really miss those days when a dude would be on the phone with me and show up to surprise me. Any hesitation I might have had was gone when I saw him in front of me.

Now please notice there is a thin line between assertive and psycho...so you must be careful. I'm talking about people that have a mutual interest for each other not a man that wants to win over a woman that has no interest. Now it's possible that the lack of assertiveness on a mans part can also be a lack of interest...but that's a whole different topic.

The point is...is it too much to ask? Am I missing something? Just do the damn thing...don't think about it so much that u end up watering it down and making it lame.

What Do You Want???

Have you ever had a moment when someone tells you something that is so simple yet so deep it changes your perspective? Well let me start by saying I had a wonderful dinner last Tuesday night with a group of very diverse women who are activists/writers/entrepreneurs and just fun to hang out with. As the youngest in the group I felt honored to be in such great company. I feel like somewhere in the last few years I've been building towards something and I don't know what it is.

So here's the scenario, I am speaking about work and how I have a love/hate relationship with it. I love pop culture and am a sucker for all the garbage that's out on tv, and in music and films but I also recognize it's garbage and we all need to help make a change in society. So as I tell this lady what I do and how I feel about it she gives me encouraging words of wisdom. She tells me the satisfaction I want from life won't necessarily come from my job. Now of course I knew this already. But we all know we tell ourselves things every day and we are kind of just hoping we have the right idea. This lady is in her 60's and she has marched through the streets of spanish harlem, lived through segregation laws and has had 3 different careers in life. She also just finished another one of her many degrees. So needless to say, her words of wisdom made more sense than my own self analysis.

Of course this wasn't the end of it...that was just the beginning. The next few minutes of our conversation is what will stick with me forever. So she asks me "what do you see yourself doing 10 years from now?" So now I'm on the spot, I know I don't truly have an answer but I give it a shot anyway since I know I have an idea but just haven't confirmed it. So I begin to tell her things here and there and in between I say things I know I don't want to do. At the end of my rambling she asks me if she can give me her honest opinion and of course I want to hear it so I can't turn away from it now.

She says, "your answer has too many "not's" you're saying 'I know I want to do this but NOT the other and NOT that.' Focus on what you DO want and not so much on what you don't want and you'll be able to achieve it faster. Also remember whatever you choose isn't permanent. You can be one thing then another. I've had three different careers and every decade brings new goals"

So I sat there and all the light bulbs seemed to turn on in my head. I mean that was a simple statement. You wouldn't think it's anything that deep. But it was. It's one of the deepest things I've heard in a long time. So now...that's the goal...think of what I want!! What do I want? What do I see myself doing next year? The year after? When I'm 30? 50? 70? Ok that's going a little far...but the point is to think of what I want.

What do you guys want? And how do you plan on getting it!

Got it! Now go Curly!

Just Another Rihanna/Chris Brown Post In The Internet World

I have to admit I've been holding myself back from writing about the whole Chris Brown / Rihanna situation because I feel most blogs and newspapers are cashing in on this horrible situation and it's now a cliche to chime in. However, after seeing the picture of Rihanna's badly beaten face last night, I couldn't help myself.

The picture makes me angry to say the least. Angry that young men and women alike have responded with "we have to hear the full story" Here's all I needed to know, a young man hit a woman he was dating in the face several times to the point where she was badly bruised. Now that's all I need to know. I don't care if that girl was caught in a threesome with two crackheads, or if she pulled out a knife or kicked you twice in the shin...what this man did to this woman is WRONG! Now the problem is everyone is brainwashed by the media's portrayal of Chris Brown and the couple's celebrity status. These young superstars are PEOPLE before they are anything else and this only highlights a problem the is hardly ever spoken about in our society. Domestic violence is NOT ok and I hate to hear the whole "what did she do" question because it's as if we were saying "maybe she deserved it" Until we all take a no nonsense stance on these sort of situations, it will continue happening to girls all over the world and young men will continue to think it's ok.

Now that I have that off my chest, this brings me to my next point. When do we as women know something is wrong? I've never been in an abusive relationship so I don't know how I'd react. Don't abusive men show signs from the beginning or at least early on? How do we know when we need to get out of a situation? If you walk into a smoking building don't you assume there's a fire and walk out or do you stay there until you see the flames coming at you? How do we teach our daughters, nieces, sisters, cousins and friends to walk out of a situation if there are signs? I can't say I have answers to any of these questions, but these are conversations we should be having amongst our friends and family. Situations like this make me believe raising a daughter will be much more difficult than raising a son.

Then again, this is where it begins. Raising sons that will not only know when to walk away from a situation but will also stand up for a victim of domestic violence. In most of the blogs I've read, there are very few young men coming to Rihanna's defense. I think this bothers me more than the girls that are justifying the situation. Where are the men that will be the future role models? Maybe they aren't on the blogs, that's all. I don't think so...I have a feeling many men have the "wow that was wrong...moving on" mentality. Some even go as far as to say "damn if that was my daughter, I would kill that guy" But how many men out there are thinking "wow I need to teach my son that those things aren't ok so that he never does something like that" I mean in reality, this is where it all started, a young man who watched his mother get beaten. Either way, there are no excuses and this is a very complex subject that makes me feel angry yet helpless.

On that note, my only hope is that despite what Chris Brown fans might think of her, Rihanna will eventually speak out, take a stand against domestic violence and be a proud representative for young women everywhere. But she's still a very young girl in love and one can only dream.