Why Why Why....do men like it when women treat them like sh*t? Men out there...please enlighten me if you disagree. BTW...this isn't meant to be a male bashing post...it's more like a question about how men think.
Men always say they want someone that is real chill and laid back and doesnt b*tch at them over little things, etc, etc.
However, it seems if a good woman treats a dude like sh*t...he'll keep coming back for more. When we fit the description of what most men say they want, we might as well put the welcome doormat on our backs from the jump!
I know initially everyone likes the chase. There is a certain rush u get from playing hard to get or knowing someone else is doing the same. The question is why take it further than that initial chase? Once you know you're into each other...why seek the drama?
Are men masochists when it comes to dating? I've had quite a few experiences in my life where the worse I've treated a man or the more I've stopped caring, the more they came after me. On the other hand, when I've just been giving and caring...it's like "bring on the marching bands"...the dude takes it for granted.
Before I go any further I'll turn it around for a second so that I don't seem completely biased. As women...we like to be treated like a princess and be catered to... yes. We all want to live the fairytale...even the cynics want it (u know who u are). Some of us are good women and will return the favor...some JUST wanna be a princess and get what they want without giving a d*amn thing (that's a whole different blog post). So, the good ones, we like to be treated well...but I know what you're thinking...YES we are ALL guilty of liking guys with a little edge. I've never met a girl that says "i want a guy that treats me really well and is great to me ALL the time" and actually means it! Men do have to keep us guessing a little...KEYWORD "little".
Why do we like the edge? Simple, we (not the princesses) don't want to feel like we can walk all over you...we want to feel like under the right circumstances, if we play our cards right, we can get you to be on our page. This allows for that feeling of accomplishment. Things can't be too easy...or else we get suspicious (once again a whole other blog post lol). Some women get caught off guard and end up with complete jerks cuz they're serching for that edge yet end up getting more edge than they bargained for. For the most part we like a little bit of guessing and back and forth...call them games, call us crazy...but it is what it is.
Men however can't act like they're not crazy tho. A dude will be the FIRST to tell you he doesn't like drama yet he'll go around with the chick that flips out and gets all crazy in public. He will tell you he doesn't like jealous women but he'll be with the girl that stalks him AND he'll tell her about all his admirers and female friends lol. Men seem to like all the things they say they don't. A guy will go around pretending they like (pardon the rawness) women who are on their d*ck but tell a guy you're not interested anymore and he'll send u flowers for days, drive 10 hours to see you, sh*t they might keep hitting you up for years and years to come. Why? Is it the challenge?
My experience has always been the more I push someone away (like them or not) the more they keep coming back. Man-Eater 101... a friend of Curly Fries knows d*mn well it's one of the best ways to survive in the wild wild west of dating.
Ill give you a little story just cuz I'm in a good mood. A guy I dated AGES ago...great guy...I was 21, so young and feelin like I was the sh*t of all sh*ts. We met while he was visiting from the midwest one time. We hit it off...started the long distance thing...on the phone every day for hours. One time the dude drove hours to see me. Long story short. I was kind of cold (ok very cold) he bounced...but the calls continued. Shortly after I "got tired of him" and cut it off. That was almost 5 years ago now. Since then, time and time again we've talked, texted, etc (as friends but still with some interest) and there have been a few gaps in between cuz I would just flip the script and wouldn't be feelin it anymore. Needless to say...dude has felt the wrath...the REAL DEAL of my b*tchiness. Yet...he's still around!!! He still hits me up once in a while. He's still interested. Now? After all the crap I've said? After all the times I stood him up? Really? WTF? What did I do right? Did I miss a memo?
Granted...I've thought about the fact that sometimes guys realize they've let something good go and they regret it...but i can't imagine that ALL these men are THAT smart!
That said...when will it ever end?? Someone shine a light cuz this has already gone down in my book as THE thing to do (makes no sense). The best way to keep a man is to stop wanting him. Is this true?
However, it seems if a good woman treats a dude like sh*t...he'll keep coming back for more. When we fit the description of what most men say they want, we might as well put the welcome doormat on our backs from the jump!
I know initially everyone likes the chase. There is a certain rush u get from playing hard to get or knowing someone else is doing the same. The question is why take it further than that initial chase? Once you know you're into each other...why seek the drama?
Are men masochists when it comes to dating? I've had quite a few experiences in my life where the worse I've treated a man or the more I've stopped caring, the more they came after me. On the other hand, when I've just been giving and caring...it's like "bring on the marching bands"...the dude takes it for granted.
Before I go any further I'll turn it around for a second so that I don't seem completely biased. As women...we like to be treated like a princess and be catered to... yes. We all want to live the fairytale...even the cynics want it (u know who u are). Some of us are good women and will return the favor...some JUST wanna be a princess and get what they want without giving a d*amn thing (that's a whole different blog post). So, the good ones, we like to be treated well...but I know what you're thinking...YES we are ALL guilty of liking guys with a little edge. I've never met a girl that says "i want a guy that treats me really well and is great to me ALL the time" and actually means it! Men do have to keep us guessing a little...KEYWORD "little".
Why do we like the edge? Simple, we (not the princesses) don't want to feel like we can walk all over you...we want to feel like under the right circumstances, if we play our cards right, we can get you to be on our page. This allows for that feeling of accomplishment. Things can't be too easy...or else we get suspicious (once again a whole other blog post lol). Some women get caught off guard and end up with complete jerks cuz they're serching for that edge yet end up getting more edge than they bargained for. For the most part we like a little bit of guessing and back and forth...call them games, call us crazy...but it is what it is.
Men however can't act like they're not crazy tho. A dude will be the FIRST to tell you he doesn't like drama yet he'll go around with the chick that flips out and gets all crazy in public. He will tell you he doesn't like jealous women but he'll be with the girl that stalks him AND he'll tell her about all his admirers and female friends lol. Men seem to like all the things they say they don't. A guy will go around pretending they like (pardon the rawness) women who are on their d*ck but tell a guy you're not interested anymore and he'll send u flowers for days, drive 10 hours to see you, sh*t they might keep hitting you up for years and years to come. Why? Is it the challenge?
My experience has always been the more I push someone away (like them or not) the more they keep coming back. Man-Eater 101... a friend of Curly Fries knows d*mn well it's one of the best ways to survive in the wild wild west of dating.
Ill give you a little story just cuz I'm in a good mood. A guy I dated AGES ago...great guy...I was 21, so young and feelin like I was the sh*t of all sh*ts. We met while he was visiting from the midwest one time. We hit it off...started the long distance thing...on the phone every day for hours. One time the dude drove hours to see me. Long story short. I was kind of cold (ok very cold) he bounced...but the calls continued. Shortly after I "got tired of him" and cut it off. That was almost 5 years ago now. Since then, time and time again we've talked, texted, etc (as friends but still with some interest) and there have been a few gaps in between cuz I would just flip the script and wouldn't be feelin it anymore. Needless to say...dude has felt the wrath...the REAL DEAL of my b*tchiness. Yet...he's still around!!! He still hits me up once in a while. He's still interested. Now? After all the crap I've said? After all the times I stood him up? Really? WTF? What did I do right? Did I miss a memo?
Granted...I've thought about the fact that sometimes guys realize they've let something good go and they regret it...but i can't imagine that ALL these men are THAT smart!
That said...when will it ever end?? Someone shine a light cuz this has already gone down in my book as THE thing to do (makes no sense). The best way to keep a man is to stop wanting him. Is this true?
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7 comments:
I call Bullsh!t! LoL . . . A GOOD man is OK with wanting a good woman . . . I will admit that I like a little crazy . . . I will even deal with a lotta crazy, but I want to be in a relationship with one of these "good women" you talk about . . . Problem is, everyone of these self identified good women are the ones that are crazier than crazy . . . the ones that say they are crazy give you a warning . . .the "normal girls" are the one that get all Jasmine Sullivan on you after an awkward glance from an attractive coworker . . . Now, I used to be very immature with regard to the dating thing, but as Ive experienced a few warm places, I have grown to accept
that crazy/im a b!tch is a part of life . . . when I find one that I'm willing to accept their flavor of crazy, I will settle down . . . i have not found this yet . . .
Curly Fries I'm going to have to agree with you on this one (you knew I would). I have had the experience of being head over heals for a guy, putting 150 percent into the relationship only to be taken for granted...I have also had the experience of being a total b*tch (I will admit I have been straight up mean) and those are the guys who keep coming back for more.
Sadly, Mr. Anonymous it is not bullshit. Not to say this "phenomenon" is one that only applies to men. We as women are guilty of it as well. I think both men and women are guilty of loving the "b*tch" or "bad ass" a little more than we should.
I think we all want to push our limits as much as we can but need to know that when we've gone too far we're going to be put in our place with that look that says "have you lost your damn mind"
The key is to find someone who brings out the best of both worlds-- the hopeless romantic and the b*tch/bad ass--as long as there is a happy medium between the two.
my friend was telling me about this book -- Why Men Love Bitches
So to respond to all these comments:
@anonymous: So you are saying when u get a b*tch u just kind of figure "it is what it is?" and when you get a "good girl" she ends up being crazy? Either way...the questions are simple...do you usually stick around longer with the "b*tch" and do you usually tend to walk all over the "good girl"?
@man_eater: I'm not sure there is a happy medium between "b*tch" and "hopeless romantic"...doesn't that just lead to the "crazy chick" Anonymous was talking about?
@La Risa: I had NO IDEA there was a book out there about this...thats insane...i'm about to spend a few hours at B&N (cuz i wouldnt actually buy it...just curious lol)
Not at all Curly, maybe I need to explain what I meant by "happy medium". I didnt mean one minute you're like ooh baby I love you and then the next minute you flip the switch and you're the biggest bitch in the world. If that was the case then yes that would be the "crazy girl" Mr. Anonymous was talking about---its called multiple personalities.
What I mean by happy medium is that there is a balance between the two extremes. Where you're not wearing a "kick me" doormat on your back but you're not tearing down egos just because you can.
Happy medium is where you can be kind to the one you're with but they know that if they cross the line you're going to let them know "look buddy you're pushing your luck a little far"
OKAY I HAVE TO SPEAK ONCE AND FOR ALL!!!!
This whole "you're such a b*tch...I Love You" thing is looked at completely wrong. From the very beginning you have to understand one universal rule....EVERYONE IS AN INDIVIDUAL!!
You say that men only pursue and respect B*tches that is completely false. Ignorant men only pursue and chase b*thces. A real man appreciates respect and love to it's fullest capability. But you have to understand that men like women have their own set of needs and wants. You have to avoid looking at the relationship issues as a manuel that can be followed the exact same with every person.
We are all made individual and because of that unique trait we all have different tastes, different tolerances, we like different people for our own reasons. Some women like to be caught up in controversy. How many marriages do you see with abusive or cheating men and their wives being right there accepting his bullsh*t and still continuing to love him?
How many relationships do you see where the woman is totally selfish and cold hearted just trying to take the man for every dime he has and spending all of her money either on herself of on other dudes?
The abusive and cheating men don't represent me just like the gold digging, manipulative women don't represent you. If you wish to speak about honorable women then you must also do the same about the honorable men.
There are a lot of good men out there the problem is most women don't want to search for them. You can't find these people at the club or in the street, they aren't walking from the liquor store or in the neighborhood picnics. You have to expand the criteria for your search if you want to find something with quality. And even when you do it still doesn't mean you will be on the same page. Life is just that way. And its not just in relationships its in everything. Some people find it easy and some search their whole life for it.
Bottom line women and men are not different in their wants and needs. Some want crazy some want calm and tranquil. We just have different approaches and views but we all have the same goal. HAPPINESS!!!
The only way we can find it is to search within ourselves for the answers and stop using others as an excuse. When it is the right time you won't have to find love..... BECAUSE LOVE WILL FIND YOU!!!!
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