Was That A Heart Attack At 26?!?!

Boy did I have a scare today!!

Anyone that knows me well, knows how much I love my niece Madison. I love all kids around me but Madison is a special kid, she is smart, funny and has a strong sense of self. (I'm not just saying this because I had a scare today..everyone knows I loved her even when she was a toddler straight out of the Exorcist movie...if anyone loved that little monster child then, there's no way to not love that sweet girl now lol)

My mom called me at work today...balling...she told me the school bus dropped Madison off at her stop and no one had seen her since. My heart sank. I start getting ready to leave work...nervous as all hell. Nothing is making sense...I'm pacing all over. Truth is, I felt helpless. My sister lives an hour and a half away and I work about 30 minutes from my house. So that is at least 2 hours of doing nothing to help find Maddie.

I then thought I'd call my sister and get an update, she tells me everything is ok and that she found her. At that moment...I lost it...I cried. I sat at my desk with my sister on the phone and just cried. For those of you that didn't know...I hadn't cried in two years (except for shedding two tears a few weeks ago) and I was seriously beginning to think I had a problem. This was a real cry...like to the point where my sister was on the phone like "hello, hello?" and the words just wouldn't come out.

So it turns out, Madison left her violin in class and knowing this would have cost her mom $600 to replace, she turned around to get it causing her to miss her bus. Therefore she was on the late bus. When she got off of the bus she saw some people she felt were "a little weird" so she went into the grocery store and asked the lady if she could wait for her mom there. She called her mom a few times from the phone at the store but the calls wouldn't go through. She then just sat down and started reading a book knowing her mom would eventually come get her. Of course when my sister found her she cried like a baby and Madison laughed at her like it was common sense that she'd be in the store...duh! (my sister has always told her if she felt uncomfortable walking home to go into the store and wait there)

She did EVERYTHING right! We're talking about an 11 year old, who did more for herself than most adults have any sense to do. So it gets me to think about other kids I know, are they trained well enough to be responsible and take precautions? Do we know how to train our nieces, nephews, cousins, sons and daughters so that they too can look out for themselves? It's a scary world out there folks and we have to make sure kids are aware of their surroundings and know what to do when something doesn't feel right.

Also, how often do you tell children around you (not strangers...lol) that you love them or that they are doing an excellent job? Madison is a very smart girl and she knows how great she is...but that's in part because we tell her all the time. If anything, we might be creating a pompous beast, but at 11 years old, you can never give a child enough praise. Sometimes we think it's cheesy to say "good job", especially when it's an older kid that might think "ok you're old and corny", but let's face it...we ARE cheesy, old and corny. Now that we have that fact out of the way, start using your old, cheesy, corny selves to empower some kids. (This might also help some of you with your "I'm the sh*t because..." assignment...so get to it lol)(hmmm do I see an ad for the Boys and Girl's Club in the making? lol)

In the end, I just thank God this was only a scare. I don't wish that feeling on anyone and I hope to never have to experience something like that again.

Wow...Im The Sh*t!!

No really...I am! I just got in from working a great show with wonderful artists who also happened to be down to earth and very easy to work with. I feel great! I'm young, with a great job and a great outlook on life.

Why is it hard for so many of us to say that? Why do we usually feel guilty when we are doing well and don't want to admit that hey...we are the sh*t!

I have to admit I usually feel guilty for things I have accomplished. I guess that's part of our nature because not everyone in our community is doing well. Sometimes we don't want to share the positive things we are experiencing for fear that others will think we are showing off or that we are throwing our success in their face.

Tonight, I don't feel that way. I had a great night and was in the mix with a bunch of celebrities and did a kick a$$ job. I don't feel guilty for being able to do what I did tonight cuz I know I've worked my butt off to get here. I've been through some tough times at work and at home since graduating college and I feel I've earned any great privileges I have today. I've been working towards this for 8 years now. Now here I was working on the finale of a show that I watched 10 years ago never even imagining I could be on the other end. Needless to say, working on this show really put everything in perspective.

I guess the point of this is not only that I am the sh*t, but that pretty much everyone I know is the sh*t in their own way. It doesn't take working with celebrities or anything like that, I mean the work I do is insignificant compared to what most people i know are doing. Everyone needs to stop and take a look around them, there is something you are doing that is great. If you don't think there is, maybe you need to just stop kicking yourself and make it happen. For the most part...we all have our moments and we need to take pride in them.

I think everyone needs to take a minute....right now...while you read this blog and tell yourself "damn...i am the sh*t". Don't just say it tho...make sure you believe it. Give yourself a reason to believe it. We all have overcome some obstacle...maybe you never gave yourself credit for it...do it now. Matter of fact...take a minute to reply to this post by finishing this sentence: "I'm the sh*t because..."

Man I wonder if Obama ever stops for a minute and thinks "damn Barack...you really are the sh*t" (maybe not in those words)...but if he doesn't...he def should. lol

Anyway...it's late and I'm starting to ramble. Moral of the story is...take a minute to realize you're the sh*t (and why) and don't be ashamed to say so.

That said...Damn CurlyFries...you really ARE the sh*t!

P.S. don't hate on my positivity...I had a good night...so sue me! :-P

Tell Me Lies, Tell Me Sweet Little Lies

Disclaimer: This concept applies to pretty much anything in life…but addressing all that would be a book not a blog so I broke it down to a relationship standpoint.

Would you rather...

...Have your significant other of a few years tell you they've been seeing other people behind your back OR enjoy life with that person all the while not knowing they're creepin'?

...Have someone you start dating reveal they've slept with too many people to count OR just don't get into that topic?

...Have your significant other tell you they're gay OR pull the "don't ask don't tell" card?

The question here is: who really likes to hear the truth? People always say they want to know the truth but do they really?

For the most part you have two types of people...you have those that no matter what, no matter how much it hurts them, they want to know the truth. These are people that usually ask questions...they will dig for the truth if necessary.

Then you have your "I don't wanna know" people. These are the ones that rather live life "happily ever after" and never want to be hurt by the truth so they don't ask and don't dig.

Reality is, sometimes the truth makes us miserable. It's one of those things that can change how you live your life, how you treat other people, etc. Does that mean we rather go around happily living a lie?

I can't say I know exactly where I stand with this one. I think I lean more towards wanting to know. I like to ask questions...I don’t necessarily like digging too much...but I like to ask. For the most part, I’d hate to ever think I’m living a lie. If it's something major and heartbreaking then I have to deal with it, learn from it and move on. If it's insignificant I'd still like to know.

That said, I do feel there are details we don't NEED to know. There are insignificant things that won't break a situation but will change the dynamic so it’s better to leave those things alone i.e. if the person I'm dating used to do midget porn in Tijuana (props to IVR aka Mr. Anonymous for the insane example lol). I guess that would be one of those things you just don’t dig for. However, you can bet if it “happens to come up” I’ll think you're a weirdo and might have to reevaluate our situation.

In the end, the truth has a way of coming out anyway so why not get it all upfront. I just think I'd probably feel better going through life knowing the important facts (good or bad).

Where Are The Blacktinos??

Disclaimer: I know as a New Yorker, we take our openness to different cultures for granted and a large portion of the country doesn't actually know the difference between Mexicans and any other Latinos...but one can only dream.

Let me start with a fun fact. I just found out that Tristan Wilds from The Wire, Secret Life of Bees and the new 90210 is half Dominican and half Black. The article I read mentions how he doesn't get Latino roles because he doesn't look "Latino enough" therefore he's always been casted for African American roles. Now what exactly makes you "look Latino"? Do we all have to look like Jennifer Lopez (who hardly ever plays a Latina anyway) or like Eva Mendes?

There are a few Black Latinos...more specifically Dominicans in the industry that happen to be "too dark" for Latino roles and end up playing Black roles instead. Take Zoe Saldana for example, she's 100% Dominican yet played a Black girl in both Drumline and Guess Who?. She probably "doesn't look Latina enough" either. Sometimes I think it must be heart wrenching as an actress to read for the part of a Latina and not get it because no matter what your roots are, you just physically don't fit the mold Hollywood has created for us. That said, I am proud of the fact she actually gets jobs in Hollywood and that she takes pride in being a Black woman. Her perception of it is perfect too:

"When I go to the D.R., the press in Santo Domingo always asks, "¿Qué te consideras, dominicana o americana?" (What do you consider yourself, Dominican or American?) I don't understand it, and it's the same people asking the same question. So I say, time and time again, "Yo soy una mujer negra." ("I am a black woman.") [They go,] "Oh, no, tú eres trigueñita." ("Oh no, you are 'dark skinned'") I'm like, "No! Let's get it straight, yo soy una mujer negra." ("I am a black woman.")"

Ha! Can you imagine the Dominican reporters cringing?!?! I love it!!!

Anytime I criticize Latino portrayal in the media, I have to take a step back and look at our own networks first. We have our own television channels and we don't see ourselves there either. It is very hard to find a dark skin character in any shows on Telemundo or Univision. So as I've always said...how can others get it right when we can't even seem to do it ourselves? Obviously this is all much more deeply rooted and has to do with the fact that some Latinos have a problem with embracing their Black roots but can't the networks step up and help break this mold? Now don't get me wrong...I completely understand "TV Business" language but so what if "the Dallas market" or "the Denver market" has no idea Black Latinos exist...TEACH THEM! Guaranteed when someone sees a Black character on a show speaking Spanish fluently, they will understand that there are Black Latinos.

The truth is your audience of Don Francisco loving grandmas and grandpas won't be around forever...and as proven last week...we are a generation of change. Let's get with the times Univison and Telemundo... step it up!!

You're Such A B*tch... I Love You!!

Why Why Why....do men like it when women treat them like sh*t? Men out there...please enlighten me if you disagree. BTW...this isn't meant to be a male bashing post...it's more like a question about how men think.

Men always say they want someone that is real chill and laid back and doesnt b*tch at them over little things, etc, etc.

However, it seems if a good woman treats a dude like sh*t...he'll keep coming back for more. When we fit the description of what most men say they want, we might as well put the welcome doormat on our backs from the jump!

I know initially everyone likes the chase. There is a certain rush u get from playing hard to get or knowing someone else is doing the same. The question is why take it further than that initial chase? Once you know you're into each other...why seek the drama?

Are men masochists when it comes to dating? I've had quite a few experiences in my life where the worse I've treated a man or the more I've stopped caring, the more they came after me. On the other hand, when I've just been giving and caring...it's like "bring on the marching bands"...the dude takes it for granted.

Before I go any further I'll turn it around for a second so that I don't seem completely biased. As women...we like to be treated like a princess and be catered to... yes. We all want to live the fairytale...even the cynics want it (u know who u are). Some of us are good women and will return the favor...some JUST wanna be a princess and get what they want without giving a d*amn thing (that's a whole different blog post). So, the good ones, we like to be treated well...but I know what you're thinking...YES we are ALL guilty of liking guys with a little edge. I've never met a girl that says "i want a guy that treats me really well and is great to me ALL the time" and actually means it! Men do have to keep us guessing a little...KEYWORD "little".

Why do we like the edge? Simple, we (not the princesses) don't want to feel like we can walk all over you...we want to feel like under the right circumstances, if we play our cards right, we can get you to be on our page. This allows for that feeling of accomplishment. Things can't be too easy...or else we get suspicious (once again a whole other blog post lol). Some women get caught off guard and end up with complete jerks cuz they're serching for that edge yet end up getting more edge than they bargained for. For the most part we like a little bit of guessing and back and forth...call them games, call us crazy...but it is what it is.

Men however can't act like they're not crazy tho. A dude will be the FIRST to tell you he doesn't like drama yet he'll go around with the chick that flips out and gets all crazy in public. He will tell you he doesn't like jealous women but he'll be with the girl that stalks him AND he'll tell her about all his admirers and female friends lol. Men seem to like all the things they say they don't. A guy will go around pretending they like (pardon the rawness) women who are on their d*ck but tell a guy you're not interested anymore and he'll send u flowers for days, drive 10 hours to see you, sh*t they might keep hitting you up for years and years to come. Why? Is it the challenge?

My experience has always been the more I push someone away (like them or not) the more they keep coming back. Man-Eater 101... a friend of Curly Fries knows d*mn well it's one of the best ways to survive in the wild wild west of dating.

Ill give you a little story just cuz I'm in a good mood. A guy I dated AGES ago...great guy...I was 21, so young and feelin like I was the sh*t of all sh*ts. We met while he was visiting from the midwest one time. We hit it off...started the long distance thing...on the phone every day for hours. One time the dude drove hours to see me. Long story short. I was kind of cold (ok very cold) he bounced...but the calls continued. Shortly after I "got tired of him" and cut it off. That was almost 5 years ago now. Since then, time and time again we've talked, texted, etc (as friends but still with some interest) and there have been a few gaps in between cuz I would just flip the script and wouldn't be feelin it anymore. Needless to say...dude has felt the wrath...the REAL DEAL of my b*tchiness. Yet...he's still around!!! He still hits me up once in a while. He's still interested. Now? After all the crap I've said? After all the times I stood him up? Really? WTF? What did I do right? Did I miss a memo?

Granted...I've thought about the fact that sometimes guys realize they've let something good go and they regret it...but i can't imagine that ALL these men are THAT smart!

That said...when will it ever end?? Someone shine a light cuz this has already gone down in my book as THE thing to do (makes no sense). The best way to keep a man is to stop wanting him. Is this true?

The Mean Streets of NYC

So I’ve been somewhat following one of the random stories on the news and there’s so much going on in this oneI can’t even process it all. Here’s the story:

“The crackling burst of violence occurred after Nuñez swiped a student MetroCard, setting off an alarm in the token booth on the upper level where Abrahall was stationed, authorities said.
Abrahall radioed Maass and Farina about the fare-beater, and the two cops grabbed Nuñez and got one handcuff on him. He immediately began to struggle, and knocked them to the ground.
In the scuffle, a source said, Maass' gun fell to the platform and Nuñez grabbed it. He then stood over the two cops and fired two pointblank shots at them, a source said.
Racing from the bloodshed, Nuñez headed up an escalator, turning back to fire another shot at the wounded cops. But Abrahall was waiting at the top. Though Nuñez fired three times at the lieutenant, he missed, and Abrahall hit Nuñez four times.
Later in custody, another source said, Nuñez, who sneaked back into the United State after he was deported to his native Dominican Republic in 2001 for a 1997 drug conviction, "indicated that he was afraid of being deported. He had been deported once before and he was afraid of going back."” – New York Post

Daaaaaaamn. It is THAT deep huh. First of all there are TONS of issues to discuss with this whole situation. Here are a few of my million thoughts and concerns in no particular order:

1. Dude…a student metrocard?? Why are cops standing around in train stations looking out for people misusing student metrocards? Is it me or does it seem like there are bigger fish to fry in this city? Damn and you get arrested for that? I thought they just wrote up a ticket or something. That's news to me.

2. My friend…did you REALLY have to go there? You grabbed the cop’s gun and shot both of them then ran away WITH the gun and turned around and shot at them again THEN you shot at the cop that was waiting at the top of the stairs? What crazy action movie did you think you were a part of? And did you not ONCE think…hmmm now I’m about to be in DEEP sh!t?

3. Things must be reeeeal hard for deportees in DR cause this isn’t the first time I hear about people getting deported and sneaking back in. From what I hear once they get to DR they are basically treated like animals, they get abused, get outcasted and can’t get jobs or move on with their lives so that’s what makes them try to come back.

4. I really do hope the two cops recover…but aside from that…one of the cops dropped his gun and got shot with it?!?! What Police Academy sequel was HE a part of?? This is straight out of a wacky movie script. I wish him recovery from his wounds but recovery from the constant teasing he’ll get after that by fellow cop jocks…not so much.

5. THREE cops vs ONE guy? What was he the incredible hulk?? Gotta be all them platanos!! Lol

6. “…sneaked back into the United State…” Really? You couldn’t spell check? Well you ARE the New York Post…I mean even public school teachers don’t want their students using you for their current events assignments so I take that back…as you were.

The Curliness...

The best reflection of me is my hair. It may sound shallow but it's something that only curly haired people...(specifically curly haired Dominican women) understand.

The hair issue amongst Dominicans is a much deeper conversation. Anyone who has ever been to a really good Dominican hair salon knows that they will get your hair lookin' RIGHT... u will be at the club dancing and you better believe sweat will not be an issue. Why? Cuz old school Dominicans don't want anything BUT straight hair. Straight hair = good hair, anything else = bad hair. Therefore, they will WORK it until they have u looking like u were born with "good hair".

Growing up, my curly unruly hair was a greater definition of me than anything else. It's the one thing that has remained constant in my 26 years of life. We've been through the good and the bad (and lord knows there have been TONS of bad hair days/years... I have school pictures to prove it). I couldn't stand my hair and I used to try everything from Just For Me relaxers to lying about how much "I liked it looking crazy" but nothing worked. I only started to really love my hair about 3 years ago.

At times the hair becomes the centerpiece for some interesting encounters. The other day I'm sitting at a bar with my girls and these two guys (one white, one black) walk up behind me. The white guy starts petting me...NO LIE...petting me like I'm a puppy at the pound! So I turn around with my "wtf" face and the black guy says "oh I'm sorry excuse my friend...he doesn't know how to behave when he drinks". Then I ask the white guy if that was entertaining for him and follow that with a few other slick remarks. They both look at me like I have no right to get smart with them. UM...HELLO... you just used petting zoo etiquette to try to pick me up at the bar, sorry I'm not jumping into your pants. Lol

Aaaanyway moral of the story is that the hair gets attention...I'd change it...but why should I? Truth is just as with anything else about us, once u start to love it everyone else appreciates it too (or pets it...whatever).